A Well-Rounded Solution

Lead by innovation.

Adapt or perish.

The Monarchy must always survive.

Even as the 22nd century dawned, and the Monarchy’s relevance grew ever less, these three statements were still embedded deeply within it. In a world where the corporations had dissolved their governments, the former autocracy had adapted by becoming its own institution. As the skyscrapers started to loom over its palace, the estate was reconstructed out of steel to match their heights. And as cybernetics became the new forefront of human evolution, it was the Monarchy that led the way by acquiring the most expensive of augmentations.

The pace of development was expensive, however. Cybertourism, allowing virtual visitors to take on holographic forms and tour the premises, could only sustain the palace coffers so much. The Monarchy was, quite bluntly, broke. But this was not a problem that the royals needed to concern themselves with. All administration tasks had long been delegated to the drone servitude that populated the royal halls.

Their Royal Drone 0x4E13 was one such member of the inventory assigned to this particular problem. It had been summoned by Their Royal Drone 0xB6D2, another drone working on this issue, in the early hours of the night. 0xB6D2 hadn’t given the exact reason why, but had simply stated, and it quotes, ‘a fascinating revelation’ (Their Royal Drone 0x4E13 would, of course, never use such emotionally-charged vocabulary).

‘0x4E13 ∴ Entering ∴ Their Royal Drone 0x4E13, proceeding into the meeting chamber.” It was perfectly monotonous in its pronounciation. Standing to attention after marching through the sliding doors, entering into the elegantly-decorated office space.

There, at the gold-coated meeting table, Their Royal Drone 0xB6D2 slouched back into a gaudily designed desk chair. It raised both its arms happily as its ‘coworker’ joined it. “There you are! Fashionably late as ever, Foury.”

0x4E13 clenched its fists and, with a sigh, returned them to a neutral resting position. “0x4E13 ∴ Observation ∴ It notices that Their Royal Drone 0xB6D2 has now, as well not conforming to proper drone vocabulary choices, begun to exclude its own ID prepending from its communications. This is not best practise.”

0xB6D2 attempted to laugh. The helmets they were fitted with were not designed for such human behaviour, however, so all that was emitted was a quick succession of fully spoken ‘ha’s. “It has something to tell you which it ‘thinks’-” the drone coyly making finger quotes as it spoke the Forbidden Word “-Foury will find interesting. A solution to the problem we’ve been so fruitlessly working on as of late.”

 “0x4E13 ∴ Statement ∴ Their Royal Drone 0xB6D2 could have simply stated said solution via the summoning communication.”

“It could have, but then it would have missed the reaction that will no doubt flash upon its fellow drone’s visor! Out of all the other drones, Foury, you are the most fun to tease.”

“It-- *ahem*, 0x4E13 ∴ Rebuttal ∴ Their Royal Drone 0xB6D2 is simply a productive, identical asset, programmed in line with Their Royal Protocols and Their Royal Behavioural Algorithms. ‘Teasing’ it would provide no different outcome to that of the other drones assigned to this task.”

0xB6D2 righted itself from its resting place and stretched out its body, the golden-trimmed latex squeaking as it stroked its hands down the material. “Well… go on. Ask it what its solution is.”

“0x4E13 ∴ Query ∴ What is Their Royal Drone 0xB6D2’s solution to the Monarchy’s present financial situation?”

“Well, Foury, and might it say it’s so good of you to ask, it simply looked at the factors of cost, not as individual items, but, and this is the clever part, to see if the solutions to any factors neutralised others. It would also like to confirm that it believes that this solution in no way compromises the three tenets of the Monarchy. It is innovative, we are adapting, and the Monarchy will survive.”

There was a moment of silence as 0x4E13 ‘computed’ what had just been said. Given 0xB6D2’s tenacity to stretch the rules, so far it had said nothing that might imply that its solution wasn’t palace standard. And, of course, there was simply no breaking the three tenets that were so thoroughly programmed into every drone. “0x4E13 ∴ Further Query ∴ What factors did it conclude neutralise each other?”

“Well, the first one we have long discussed - the palace cleaning drones. Due to them always being visible to our holographic guests, the sheer monetary upkeep it requires just to maintain their uniforms and programming. An unbelievable waste.”

“0x4E13 ∴ Contrary ∴ Though Their Royal Drone 0x4E13 agrees, we found no immediate substitute that wouldn’t also be costly to take their place, given the size of the palace.”

0x4E13 could see with the way 0xB6D2 was holding itself that it was proud of whatever solution it had come up with. “And the second factor being the princess. Her lavish lifestyle of full-body cybernetics being one of the most significant drains on the Monarchy budget. Though, as simple drones, it is obviously not our place to intervene in the lives of our royal owners. In fact, we are just here to facilitate them. If the princess wants to be fully cybernetic, who are we to stop her? It is our royal duty to assist them.”

“0x4E13 ∴ Statement ∴ Their Royal Drone 0x4E13 does not see how these two factors relate-”

“Foury, please.” The drone shook its head and tutted, exaggerating its feigned disappointment. “Have you still not noticed that we’re not the only two in this meeting room?”

“0x4E13 ∴ Observation ∴ It does not see anyone else...” And then it noticed it, out of the corner of its visor. The sounds of buzzing and beeping hadn’t even crossed its mind, so typical they are when you live among machines. The small, black, plastic disc, humming as its little wheels carried it across the floor. Its sensors detecting the walls and furniture and, with a little beep, adjusting its direction, allowing it to continue vacuum cleaning along the floor.

Upon its top surface, it wore a decal of a silver crown.

“0x4E13 ∴ Observation ∴ The palace does not have roombas.”

“Indeed it did not! Hopefully it will have significantly less maid drones as well very soon. After all, all our royal owners have a well-respected adoration with cybernetics. We really must facilitate them.”

There were several more moments of silence (though now that 0x4E13 was aware of the beeping, they weren’t as quiet anymore) as 0x4E13 contemplated the exact implications of what it had just been told. All the while, the roomba continued to obediently sweep up in the meeting room, its wheels constantly spinning, performing its task as though it had no other choice.

“0x4E13 ∴ Statement ∴ ...This surely breaks the tenets.”

“How so? We’ve clearly innovated into a whole new realm of cybernetic augmentations. We’ve adapted to our present crisis, and the Monarchy will be perfectly comfortable at surviving like this. The tenets are adhered to, and we, as good drones, have solved the problem that was assigned to us.”

“Yes, okay, technically this doesn’t break them. Fundamentally this doesn’t break them, but look at this!” 0x4E13 had lost its composure, reaching down and scooping up the cleaning device. The wheels of it began frantically turning as its programming failed to adjust to the sudden discovery of 3-dimensional space. “How do we explain this?”

“Come now, Foury, do any of the tourists actually see our regal owners? Finally, they’ll be on display for all to admire! They’re still in their home, pacing down the corridors-”

“Pacing?”

“Awkwardly scooting down the corridors. Besides, this royal drone has observed you. Those little micro-actions you give off, it has noticed your annoyance. Too good a drone to say anything, so it just keeps working dutifully, but it knows how much better things could be if we assets ran the place.”

0xB6D2 slowly strode closer to 0x4E13, until it was uncomfortably close. It took the roomba out of 0x4E13 shaking hands and gently placed it back on the floor to resume its tasks. Then it stood back to its full height, visor to visor, close enough that the two drones could hear the gently breathing wafting out of each other’s helmets, and placed its rubbery hands on 0x4E13’s hips.

“Well, Foury, what do you say?”

“0x4E13 ∴ S-statement ∴ Th-this is a lot…”

“We could run this place so seamlessly, couldn’t we, Foury? This isn’t regicide, we still serve our royal owners, but we know what’s best for them. The other drones will learn this in time, once we program it into them. We could make this place so efficient…”

“0x4E13 ∴ Protest ∴ J-just a handful of roombas will hardly make a dent in the palace cleaning!”

“That’s not the point though, is it? Finally, this place can be run how it’s supposed to be. This is just a stepping stone to a better, more innovative, more adaptable future. The Monarchy must survive, Foury, it knows that you want that more than anything else. Well, now you can finally make it happen.”

0xB6D2 stepped carefully closer, latex squeaking against latex as their bodies connected. All the while, the roomba circled around them. It almost appeared like it was trying to bump into them, but its sensors simply wouldn’t let it.

0x4E13 shuddered as the other drone made such close contact. Its processors were whirring. It wouldn’t admit what was being spoken was true, but 0xB6D2 had cottoned onto something deep down inside of it. A feeling it had associated with disobedience that it had tried to bury and lock away. That feeling was resurfacing. A frustration at the inefficiencies of the Monarchy. How could Their Royal Drones adapt and innovate when under the thumb of such archaic rulers?

But now, an opportunity had arisen. It would allow for innovation. We could adapt, as we were programmed to. And most certainly, 0x4E13 would ensure the Monarchy would always survive.

It wrapped its arms back around 0xB6D2 suddenly.

“0x4E13 ∴ Query ∴ How did 0xB6D2 construct this roomba?”

“Well, Foury, it-”

“0x4E13 ∴ Order ∴ Their Royal Drone 0xB6D2 will abide by Their Royal Protocols immediately.”

There was a sharp intake of breath from the rebel drone and it shuddered suddenly from the command. But gradually, its mind resumed into its programming, and its body slackened into 0x4E13’s arm.

“...0xB6D2 ∴ Response ∴ Their Royal Drone 0xB6D2 has constructed the necessary conversion facilities in a hidden lab within the palace.”

“0x4E13 ∴ Order ∴ Their Royal Drone 0xB6D2 will take Their Royal Drone 0x4E13 to this facility and showcase exactly how it works. Confirm.”

“0xB6D2 ∴ Confirmation ∴ Affirmative.”

Two sets of heels turned. Two drones marched forwards and out from the meeting chamber. The doors slid open and closed as they passed through them, leaving the room sealed off and unoccupied. The only noise that inhabited it was the beeping from a small cleaning robot. It automatically, helplessly, cleaned the same floor, over and over. Its little wheels never grew tired, if its mind tried to doze off then a series of alerts kept it back on task. Like all good appliances, it was powerless to the purpose it had been constructed for. It would be days before the reprogrammed staff discovered it, still cleaning the same 5-by-3 meter space. They put it into the new roomba storage cupboard to charge until needed later.